How do you honor an absent Dad?

Today is Father's day and to all the Dad's out there, Happy Father's Day to you. To my Father- in- law, my step-Dad (Dana) and to Bruce. All three of you stepped in where one checked out. You chose to be Dad in each situation you found yourselves. I am blessed to have you all as a part of my life.

As I read my devotions this morning, specifically Our daily bread, it spoke of an Olympic athlete whose Dad suffered a heart attack in the stands and passed away, just before the games were to begin. He honored his Dad by entering the venue for his event wearing his Dad's old hat. The one worn so many times as they fished and did other things together. It was his way of honoring him for standing beside him through the years.

This is a poignant moment, one that really causes me to reflect as I do every Fathers Day. It causes me to ask the question I tend always to ask: How do you honor an absent Dad? Now by absent I do not mean Dad has passed away and he is no longer with you. I mean the Dad who packed it in and drove off into the sunset never to be seen again. By choice he decided, in effect, not to be a Dad. You see, O.D.B. ends with the request to honor our Dad's and show them respect for the good values they taught us. Assuming every Dad did such things. Unfortunately, in a broken and weak world that simply is not true. There are a good many "first generation Christians" such as myself who had no example, much less a Godly one when growing up. So again I ask, "what can one do to honor your absent Dad?

I cannot, nor will I presume to have the answer, but I will share what I have learned.

First: God did not give us the option to honor our parents. It is a command, and one that comes with a promise. Moses mentions it in a list that we all know called the ten Commandments. It is the fifth of ten and the first that relates to our relationships one to another.  Therefore, it is one that we must understand. Paul re-emphasises this principle in his letter to the Ephesians. He starts off the sixth chapter by repeating the commandment to honor your parents, and reminds us that it is the first command with a promise. That promise being long life. It's a hard one to follow when you have a situation like mine. I find, if I may be honest, that I have struggled with this commandment. It requires me, that's right, requires me to honor my parents. Even my absent Father, who for whatever reason, just decided he wanted to check out.

Second: The Love of Christ Compels me. The moment I accepted Jesus, I became accountable to a better way. The world says: He doesn't deserve air to breathe, and quite frankly that may be true. But my life, including my heart attitude, no longer belong to me. I have the choice to do whatever I wish, as God will not violate my free will. But is that really being the Jesus follower I am called to be? No! I have to submit those feelings to him and place them under his authority. I then ask the dangerous question: "How Lord, do I honor my Dad? Scripture is full of answers. The one that stands out is the one I started this paragraph with. It is because Christ's LOVE compels me. The better way of God is the road I choose to take.

Third: "Do as say, not as I do." That's what my Dad always used to say. I can happily say with all love, that if my Dad taught me anything it was how NOT to be a Father. I do not say that sarcastically or with bitterness. I miss my Father and wish he had made different choices, but he didn't. He is absent and will be most likely until he leaves this world. As I have aged, I have found that I learned a lot from Dad. Some good, most not. My challenge as a "first generation believer" is to honor him, regardless of his choices. He is and always will be my Father. Quite honestly, were it not for his choices in this life, I would not be the man that I am. Had he not left, I would not have gone to Vermont. Had I not gone to Vermont, I would not have found the most beautiful woman God ever put on the face of this planet. Had I not met my wife, I would not have my four children, who have turned out awesome! I would not have my grandson, be in the ministry or even typing this story. So Paul was absolutely correct when he says in Romans 8:28a: "And we know that IN ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him."  I have been living the truth of that scripture since the day I packed my 1975 Mustang and pointed it north.

So, thank you Dad. Your choices helped me make mine. Your life defined mine in ways that may not have been how God intended. Yet HE has worked it all together for the good. I have a beautiful wife and four beautiful children and am serving the LORD. I honor you in every sense of the word. You are my Father and though you will never read this, the work that the Holy Spirit had done in my heart allows me to not only honor you, but more importantly to forgive you. By forgiving you, I am free to love, to move on and to honor, even an absent Father...